Welcome everyone. I wish to thank all the guests who came from far away to celebrate Heidi and Simon's wedding, especially Simon's family who came here from England, and our friends from Korea, the United States, Italy, Switzerland and Spain.

Dear Heidi and Simon, thank you for being such wonderful people, I am very glad you found each other. I wish you a very happy wedding day, and a joyful journey throughout your entire life. A wise proverb says, "Shared sorrow is half the sorrow, shared joy is double the joy." I wish you a minimum of sorrow and a maximum of joy together.

I also wish to reveal to you a piece of good advice for happiness that Fred Rogers gave to us when he married us thirty-two years ago: Be happy with what you have, don't worry about what you don't have, in other words, "Focus on the donut, and not on the hole!" Thank you, Fred, for that good advice that has kept Philomena and me happy together for 32 years through thick and thin, and especially thank you, Philomena, my Yobo.

To have a happy marriage, the secret is to make your partner feel appreciated and comfortable in your presence. You know very well that soft words are more appreciated than strong words, as the following true story illustrates: Queen Victoria and her husband, Prince Albert once had a quarrel, as it can sometimes happens in a marriage. One word led to another, and suddenly Prince Albert angrily stormed out of the bedroom, went to his study, slammed the door and locked it. Queen Victoria ran after him, knocked on the door and demanded, "Open!" There was no answer. She pounded with her fist on the door and shouted, "Open at once!!" No answer. She shouted at the top of her voice, "I am the Queen of England, Scotland, Wales and Ireland, I am the Empress of India and of the entire British Commonwealth, I am the Commander-in-Chief of all the British armed forces, and I order you hereby to open this door!!!" Still no answer. Finally she said in a soft voice, "Albert, I am sorry, I love you and miss you." Now the door opened. This demonstrates that nonviolence is more powerful than violence.

Another important aspect of a happy marriage is forgiveness, as the following story illustrates. One day, President Jimmy Carter realized with panic that it was his wife Rosalyn's birthday, but he had forgotten to buy her a gift. All the stores were closed, because it was a Sunday. He thought hard what he could do, and suddenly had an idea. He remembered that he had often criticized her for being late. So he wrote her a note promising that he would never again nag her. He said this was the best gift he could ever give, not only to his wife, but also to himself. He was greatly relieved that he no longer felt responsible for his wife, and she was moved and made a greater effort not to keep him waiting any more.

*****

Our three children have a very special friendship with each other. Philomena says they have a "children's defense league." When Heidi was 4 and Albert 8, Philomena was once scolding Albert about something he should not have done. Heidi watched her and said, "Don't scold Albert!" Philomena said to Heidi, "I am not scolding him, I am only explaining to him that he should not do that." Unfazed, Heidi said, "Don't explain to Albert!"

Heidi, Albert and Max spent many summers together at a farm camp in upstate New York, first as campers and then as counselors, where they learned how to take care of animals, learnt all kinds of handicrafts, went hiking, swam in a little pond, and sang many songs every morning and evening. They all have wonderful shared memories from those times.

*****

I could tell you many stories from Heidi's life, but I will focus on three things from the time when she was five years old, at home in New Jersey, in France and in Spain.

We had a magic circle around our fire place at home, where we listen to each other in turn without interruption. Each of us was asked to say something that we imagine. Heidi said, "I can see a large number of people from many countries sitting around a big table, and they have decided to have no more war." That was very mature for a five-year old. I wish our heads of State were equally mature as a pre-kindergartner.

Later that same year, we spent six weeks in France, and sent Heidi to kindergarten, to refresh the little French she had picked up the year before from playing with her friend Irene, when the Galtungs were our neighbors, near Geneva, and other children there. The regular kindergarten teacher was on leave, and a young, inexperienced substitute teacher had taken her place. She quickly said a few words in French, and all the children went to form a line in front of the bathroom. Heidi had not understood what she said and just stood there. The teacher scolded her and put her into the corner facing the wall as a punishment. I think that at that moment Heidi decided that she would learn foreign languages, so that she would never be in such an embarrassing situation again. My grandmother used to say, learning a new language is like opening a new window on the world, you can see things in a different light. By teaching English as a second language, Simon and Heidi, you are helping open a new window on the world for many others.

After our time in France, we moved to Spain for another six weeks, with our little Volkswagen beetle packed full of suitcases on the roof, and our three children disappearing in the back seat under a mountain of blankets and pillows. Heidi loved Spain. She spent all day with her friend Irene collecting snails and placing them into a special little garden they had prepared for them. It was a relaxed, happy life style. I think at that time Heidi decided that she would wish to have a wedding in Spain.

I believe that both Heidi and Simon enjoy the Spanish attitude towards life, working to live, instead of living to work, There is a story that a German tourist in Spain watched a Spaniard on a bridge, leaning against the rail, whistling and holding a fishing rod. After watching him for a while, he asked him, "What are you doing?" "I am fishing." "You should be working!" "Why should I work?" "To earn money!" "Why should I earn money?" "To get rich!" "Why should I be rich?" "To enjoy your life!" "How do you enjoy your life?" "Well, if you like, you can go fishing."

*****

When Heidi was in high school, she joined a youth group at a Princeton church with an inspiring youth leader, Elsie. On Christmas day, Heidi was asked to address the congregation. She did very well, and many people afterwards urged her to become a reverend. She told the story of a man who had arrived in heaven, and God showed him his path through life. It was a long trace of footsteps in the sand, sometimes two pairs of feet, sometimes only one. God said, "As you can now see, I accompanied you throughout your whole life." The man observed that when he had a hard time in his life, there was only one trace. He complained to God, "Why did you abandon me when I faced my greatest difficulties?!" God replied, "I did not abandon you, I carried you in my arms."

I am sure, Heidi and Simon, that you will both carry each other in your arms, or at least take turns in doing so during difficult times in your lives, not only physically, but also figuratively. Someone said, "We are all like angels with only one wing. We can fly only by embracing each other." So embrace each other, soar together to the peaks of happiness, and hold on to each other for life. I wish you a long an happy life together, and many children!

 

--Dietrich's speech at Heidi and Simon's wedding reception